End of Life Decisions

“There is a big walnut tree by a pond near Middleburg, OK where I want to be chained if my mind goes.  Chained so I won’t wander off and have some well-intended do-gooder try and “help” me.  Leave me there with love so I can go on my spirit journey and not die in a warehouse for old people.”   

This was the “plan” I was using as an example to stimulate a conversation with a client recently.   

Her response was: “Troy—THAT is NOT a plan. Even if it were a good idea it could not be implemented without putting your loved ones at risk for breaking the law.”   

I heard that loud and clear and began a search for how to make a better plan, one that would care for both my needs and be in the context of what is legal, moral and ethical.  

And, well, while I realize this isn’t exactly an easy conversation, it’s still important we address this “elephant in the room”. And here’s why. 

No matter how hard it may be to talk about the end of life (aka death), it will be even harder on you and your loved ones if you don’t. 

Consider: if you were in a condition where you could no longer speak for yourself, would your family know your wishes regarding healthcare?  (This is especially important for single people and young adults.) 

That’s not something we like or even bother to think about until the moment is upon us, but by then it’s too late.   

That’s why I can’t stress enough the importance of advance planning for our end-of-life care.  We may not be able to do anything about dying, but we CAN direct how we’d like our final days to unfold.   

How can we do that? There are three primary things we need in order to improve our chances for having a satisfying and meaningful passing: 

1.            Have a person who is willing, trustworthy, and capable of speaking for you. 

2.            Legally empower that individual. 

3.            Make sure that individual understands the wishes of the grantor.  

That last point is one that most people do not have a full understanding of, and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you why it’s just as important as the other two.  But how is that individual supposed to understand the wishes of the grantor if those wishes have never been discussed? 

Making thoughtful choices now, planning for the inevitable BEFORE it happens, can help ensure that we get the care we want (and avoid what we don’t), even if we’re unable to speak for ourselves. 

There’s no denying that, but how do we even begin to prepare for such an event? 

The advance planning guidebook and toolkit called “My End-of-Life Decisions” can help you think through your priorities for end-of-life care.  It also allows you to complete an advance directive and other forms you may need, choose a representative to speak for you if you cannot, and consider common enof-life medical interventions so you can specify what you want or don’t want – right up to the end.  It can even guide you in having valuable conversations with your healthcare providers and loved ones.

To access the guidebook, click here.

Hopefully this exercise will help you gain clarity on what YOU want and introduce some aspects that often don’t get discussed in the legal documents.  Once you are clear(er), then an ongoing dialogue with your loved ones will help improve your chances of doing what my sister suggested recently following my father’s passing—“Because of how well everything was handled we were able to focus on the sweetness of the times rather than chaos and drama.”